Category Archives: Home & Family

Since my daughter Jessica won the match in her last duel meet, she
went on to wrestle in the Varsity League Finals tournament last
Saturday. She lost her matches there so regretfully she will not be going
on to the next level of competition
(CCS Championships).

Jessica was one of three girls wrestling at Saturday’s tournament (all from
different schools). One
of the three (weighing 103 pounds) is going to CCS. The girls
all wrestled boys in the regular matches but Jessica and Rihanna (both in
the 125 pound class) wrestled each other at the end just for fun. They
had been in tournaments together several times but never matched with each
other. Rihanna won but it was a good match for both.

Wrestling is perhaps the only sport that sorts contenders only by weight,
not by gender. All of the tournament’s schools offer mixed gender wrestling teams
except one, a parochial school that only allows boys on the team. One of
the girls was told last week by coaches from the parochial
school that it was immoral for boys to wrestle girls unless they were
engaged to be married. Nonetheless, that same parochial school sent one of
their boys up against Rihanna on Saturday and he is going to CCS because he
won the match. The girls were disgusted with the sanctimonious
and duplicitous behaviour of the school’s coaches.

Part of the fun in being a spectator at a wrestling tournament is watching
the variety of contenders. The weight classes go from around 100 pounds
to well over 200 pounds. On Saturday, we saw every color skin, from cherry petal
pink to milk chocolate brown. We also heard names originating from all over the
world announced for matches. Some of the names on our daughter’s team
and at Saturday’s tournament: Goodman, Lao, Schwartz,
Mui, Hoffman, Olila, Davis, Spitters, Rao, Campbell, Peterson, Wang, Nguyen,
Taylor, Singh, Ramirez, Lozano, Kahn, Gold, Reed, Lee, Kwan, Park,
and Kowano.

Also fun are the t-shirt designs and slogans worn at tournaments. Most teams
have new wrestling shirts each year but wearing old shirts is encouraged.
Our former priest (Rev. Kathy McAdams) passed on her wrestling t-shirts to
Jessica just to keep them in current use. Some of the slogans we saw
at Saturday’s tournament:

• There is no easy way
• Catch me if you can
• Competition is the process, domination is the goal
• Wrestler Nation
• Never Give Up
• We Don’t Take Bull (for the Matadors team)
• Cats (for the Los Gatos team)
• Wresters Score in Every Position
• DWD – Desperate Wrestling Dad (also Wife of DWD)
• Combat Training
• Pain is Temporary, Pride is Forever

Jessica looked at this list and said her all time favorite
wrestling t-shirt said:

Yeah, I’m a Girl

Yeah, I Wrestle.

Yeah, You Lost.

Deal with it.

Someone gave us a subscription to Reader’s Digest for Christmas
and it has become our preferred household bathroom reading. An article
in the current issue is “Dad Overboard – confessions of a (way too)
protective parent” by Steve Doocy. The father writing the amusing article
is concerned that he was too protective raising his young son because the boy
was denied toy guns, swimming without a flotation device, and whole grapes
(a choking hazard).

I know many more parents who are overprotective than parents who
are inattentive. One of the causes of parental fear
and overprotectiveness may be the number of release forms we have to
sign listing the dire risks potentially associated with relatively safe
activies like field trips and school sports.

I was interested to read that in 2005 the Wisconsin Supreme Court
would not enforce an athletic center’s waiver: “…holding the release unenforceable because it was against public policy. The Court cited the following reasons for its decision: 1) the release was overbroad and all-inclusive; 2) the guest’s waiver of liability was insufficiently highlighted; and 3) the guest did not have the opportunity to bargain over the terms of the release. … The Court held that affording the customer the option of either signing the release or not using the facility is not considered a sufficient opportunity to ‘bargain’.”
(quote from
“Atkins v. Swimwest Family Fitness Center, 2005 WI 4: Wisconsin Supreme Court Decision).

When my kid comes home with a release form I have to sign before she
can participate in a field trip the whole class is attending or
in a PE class, I sure don’t feel I have any right to bargain with the
school about the release terms. Hence, I doubt the forms are enforceable.
However, even parents with excellent English reading comprehension and
doubts about the legal validity of these ubiquitous release forms get
worried signing them. I can only imagine how American consent forms
trouble new immigrant parents.

Here are two examples of the dozen or so release forms I have to
sign each year for each of my kids:

Schoolname Athletics

Assumption of Risk Form

Student Name: _____________________________

In consideration of being allowed to participate in any way in the athletic program, and events and activities, the undersigned hereby agree to the following conditions.

1. I acknowledge and fully understand the each participant will be engaging in activities which involve risk of injury. The injury could be serious or catastrophic including permanent disability.
2. I assume all the foregoing risks and accept personal responsibility for damages following such injury, permanent disability, or death. If it is determined that my child needs medical or dental treatment while participating in athletics, I will be financially responsible for any treatment determined to be necessary by a physician, dentist, athletic trainer, emergency medical personnel, or any other medical personnel.
3. I grant permission for the school’s sports medicine staff to care for and provide appropriate medical treatment for my child in the event of his/her injury.
4. I Accept and acknowledge schoolname Athletic Code of Conduct.

__________________________________ Date _____________

Parent Guardian Signature

_________________________________ Date _____________

Student Signature

Parent’s Consent To Travel And Attend Field Trips In The State Of
California

This consent is given with reference to the following facts:

A. The undersigned is/are the father and/or mother of ___________________________________________, a minor child
who is a resident of the city of _________________________________________________,
located in _______________________________________________ , __________________________________________.
County or Province State/Country

B. Said minor child is to be enrolled in schoolname during the 2007 summer school.

C. The schoolname is a private school consisting of elementary and secondary grades.

D. It is understood and agreed between me/us and the agents and employees of schoolname that schoolname will engage in educational activities outside schoolname locations at schooladdress California. More specifically, it is contemplated that the administration,
teachers and staff of schoolname will conduct field trips to state and national parks, museums, universities, sporting events, plays and other entertainment activities. It is also contemplated that staff may on occasion be called upon to transport a child to an off-campus appointment or activity.

NOW, THEREFORE, I/We give my/our consent to schoolname to engage in the above described activities that the teachers or administration of schoolname feel will promote the education of my child.

FURTHER, I represent as follows:

1. I/We have legal and physical custody of said minor child and am/are, therefore, competent under the laws of the State of California to sign this agreement.
2. I/We acknowledge the fact that the staff members may be unable to watch each child at all times on field trips. In addition, I/we realize and specifically acknowledge there always exists the possibility of an unforeseen accident causing harm to my/our minor child.
   Nevertheless, I/we grant permission for my/our minor child to participate in the activities described above.

3. In addition, I/we hereby release and agree to hold harmless schoolname as well as its agents, servants, employees,
   successors and assigns any and all claims my/our minor child may have against them for injuries and/or damages suffered by my/our minor child and/or his/her property while participating on said trips.

4. I/We also hereby agree to indemnify and hold harmless schoolname and its agents, servants, employees, successors and assigns from any liability to third persons caused by the activities of my/our minor child while participating
   on said trips.

5. This agreement is to be interpreted under the laws of the State of California, United States of America.

Signature of parent/guardian

Date

Today was “formal day” at my daughter’s High School. When we
dropped her off at 7:30 a.m. this morning, Jessica was wearing a
long black velvet gown, white silk neck scarf, and heels. She was
also toting her green wrestling duffelbag since today is the last duel meet
for the wrestling season, probably her last meet ever since so few colleges
offer women’s wrestling. Jessica has very much enjoyed being Captain of the
wrestling team in her Senior year and is feeling sad to have her sport
end after four years. I have been enjoying thinking of the sensation she
is causing about now as she sashays aboard the bus to go to the meet with
her team.

Saturday, Jessica coached her Freshman and Sophomore team members in a
morning meet then sang two songs in a recital at
Le Petit Trianon Theatre
in the afternoon. She very much enjoyed dressing up to be the character
from Elton John & Tim Rice’s Aida singing “My Strongest Suit”:

Oh now I believe in looking

Like my time on earth is cooking

Whether polka dotted

Striped or even checked

With some glamour guaranteeing

Every fiber of my being

Is displayed to quite remarkable effect


From your cradle via trousseau

To your deathbed you’re on view, so

Never compromise, accept no substitute

I would rather wear a barrel

Than conservative apparel

For my dress has always been

My strongest suit

One of the things we did to get ready for our 18-year-old daughter to go away
to college in September was to get her a checking account with a debit card. I started
auto-depositing her allowance into this account and refusing to give her cash
or to pay for small things as I had before. This has done more than all of our
conversations and references to articles on
The Motley Fool to raise Jessica’s awareness of
how money works.

Yesterday, Jessica was going to a birthday party. She took $30 she had earned babysitting
the night before and went to the book store to buy something for her friend. She
came back upset, with two books and no money left. She had always bought two books for
friends’ birthdays but she was new to paying for them herself. Yesterday, when
she saw how little her money bought, she made the mental connection between work and
goods:

1 long night of babysitting = $30 = 2 books

I just smiled and did not say a word.

We got two strange letters in the mail this week with regard to my
daughter’s college applications. We still will not know which colleges
have accepted her until 1 April. While we are in the unpleasant wait-and-see
period between sending everything in and hearing back, there are still small
communications with the nine schools considering Jessica.

The first odd letter was from Rice University. Jessica and I visited Houston
18-21 January (last weekend). On Tuesday, 23 January, we received our Rice
campus visit package. It had been mailed on 10 January. Our visit certainly
would have felt friendlier and more directed if we had gotten the package
before we left. I now understand some of the Admissions secretary’s
confusion when we arrived in her office asking basic questions. Oh well.

The second strange letter was from Jessica’s high school: it contained her first
Senior semester grade report. Since these grades are the last that colleges will
see before they make their acceptance decisions, they are important. We
were very surprised to see an “I” for Incomplete instead of the “A” she was told
she had in English. I got to practice deep calming breaths while Jessica worked
with the high school administration to sort out the grades and reinstate her “A”.
All is well now.

I am reminded of a story I heard when I was a Sophomore
at the University of California, Santa Barbara. My undergraduate transfer to U.C.
Berkeley had been accepted at the same time that a dorm-hall friend had been
accepted to U.C. Berkeley’s graduate school in Chemistry. He went to the UCSB
Chemistry department office for his Senior transcript review only to find that a
whole year of upper division Chemistry class credits had been dropped from his
record and replaced with a year of Sociology credits. The department secretary
explained that my friend couldn’t graduate because he hadn’t met the requirements.
He said he would rather commit murder than take one more undergraduate class.
They came to an understanding; his upper division Chemistry class credits were
restored and he was graduated on time with honors.

We are back from our trip to Houston, Texas and Rice University.
Jessica enjoyed her visit to a Shepherd class and she came away impressed
with the music school. Jessica also
enjoyed her dorm stay. Rice is a “wet campus” and the girls who were
kind enough to host her were on a party hall. So, Jessica learned
two beer drinking games. One involved tossing pingpong balls into a cup
of beer and the other seemed to be a speed drinking contest. She said that
the students were chill and did not pressure her to participate beyond her
comfort.

At least a hall-wide drinking party meant that the students were
talking and enjoying each other’s company. It was better than her experience
last summer at U.C. Santa Cruz where the students just stayed in their own dorm
rooms and smoked. We need to wash her sleeping bag because of the fresh and
used beer that was on the dorm carpet. Even though she had fun, Jessica said she
does not want to be on a party hall when she goes to college next year.

We spent Saturday seeing something of Houston.
In the Museum District, the Menil Collection,
Rothko Chapel, and
Byzantine Chapel nearby are very impressive. The Rothko chapel in particular
is a remarkable space. As we sat in the dim light of the quiet 8 sided room, the
deep colors of the large canvases felt increasingly complex. The sizes, positions,
and relationships of the panels became more interesting. Those which were all deep
matt purple revealed their horizontal brush and vertical drip patterns while those
painted in glossy bordered rectangles shone softly under the skylight. The 14 paintings are presented in three sets of triptychs, one of which is set into an apse
or large recess, plus 5 panels. We were there on a cool overcast day . I imagine that
bright light and heat outside would make the chapel feel quite different.

Jessica has an audition next month for Lawrence Univ.
(the school is in Wisconsin but they hold regional auditions in San Francisco).
There are a number of schools to which she is re-sending materials she
submitted earlier which they can’t find. Plus, she has a few more interviews.
After all that is done, we wait until the college acceptance decisions
arrive in the mail on 1 April.

My daughter and I are in Houston, Texas visiting Rice University and
the Shepherd Music School. Jessica is now staying over in one of the
dorms (at Jones College). Of the universities she and I have visited,
Rice feels most like Carnegie Mellon U in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
They are both strong Engineering schools with excellent programs
in the humanities, sciences, professions, and music. We had to come
to Houston because Shepherd only offers on-campus auditions (no
regional auditions).

We walked from our hotel to Jessica’s audition at Shepherd this morning.
Houston is cold and rainy and there are vast puddles and red mud everywhere.
The most common trees seem to be big oaks, many of which are edged in tiny
ferns and moss. The flat campus is bordered with huge parking lots.
Most of the signs relate to parking rather than to the buildings or
life of the university.

The only graffiti I saw was on a section of
the Berlin Wall in the lawn outside of the Baker public policy building
(that is, Official Historical Graffiti). Very few of the buildings have
more than a discrete identification label. Our student tour guide said
that about 3/4 of the students
live on campus but cars still seem a big part of campus life. I saw some
bicyclists but this is clearly not a bike school like the University of California campuses at Davis or Santa Barbara.

The campus has all been built since 1912 and there are clear generations
of architecture among the brick and stone buildings. The school’s founder

William Marsh Rice was murdered in 1900 (yes, the butler did actually do it) but his money ended up creating an impressive and clearly well funded
institution. The center of the school is the bronze statue of founder “Willie”. Interestingly, it was James Baker the lawyer who found out
Willie’s murderous butler. His descendent, James A. Baker, III founded Rice’s
Institute for Public Policy.
This is the same institute which recently issued the controversial

Iraq Study Group Report.

Jessica was happy with her very brief vocal audition but we will not know
until 1 April what their acceptance decision is. The Director of Admissions said it was mostly a “numbers game” and that excellent students were turned away every year. Shepherd only accepts about 30 students a year in
all areas (instrument, voice, music theory, etc.). We were surprised to
find out that Rice has an “all or nothing” admissions policy. If a
student applies to a school in Rice and is not accepted, they are not
accepted to Rice at all even if they have other academic interests. I
am not sure how Rice manages students who enter with an undecided major.

During our brief orientation at Shepherd this morning, we were told that
music students are discouraged from trying to double major. However, the
Rice Senior with whom we went to lunch
said that “Musies” (music school students) often did double major and should
not let Shepherd push them around about their life choices. He also said it
was easy to transfer from school to school, which does not seem to go with
the all or nothing admissions.

After she left with her dorm hostess, Jessica was going to visit a class by
one of the Shepherd teachers she asked for. Shepherd has students apply to work with individual professors rather than to the school as a whole. Since
I did not see a class, I have less of a feel for Rice than I do for other universities.

I was concerned to hear one of our tour guides, a Mechanical Engineer,
say that most Engineers have either a desktop or laptop computer but some
don’t have either. Coming from the Silicon Valley, I know very few High School
students who don’t have their own laptop. In the dorm room we visited,
both students had up-to-date desk computers. It feels odd for a famous
and well funded Engineering school to have students without their own computer.

Another concern was physical safety. There is a prominent framed sign in
the women’s bathroom at Shepherd about sexual harassment and rape,
giving very detailed instructions about what to do if it happens. When
I was walking back to the hotel, a man stopped me and said I should hide
my gold necklace chain because it might be stolen.

I liked the Rice institution of college Masters. These are professors
and their families who live in an on-campus home located near the dorm
which is part of each college. Our tour guide said that the masters
provided all of the good parts of family (an emergency ride, a shoulder
to cry on) without complaints about finishing homework and room cleaning.

I walked over to Rice Village after visiting campus. In addition
to national chain stores, there were a few local shops and a wide variety
of restaurants, including many international choices. The campus
area seems prosperous. This is not a student slum with funky stores but
rather an upscale community outdoor mall: more like Stanford Shopping Center
near Stanford Univ. than Telegraph Avenue near U.C. Berkeley or
Isla Vista near U.C. Santa Barbara.

The two edges of campus I walked along were more designed for cars than
pedestrians. The sidewalks were often broken or tilted and there were
sections roped off where the walkways were ripped out entirely. The
family homes were interesting with varied architecture. Most
provided large private parking areas in front with small border gardens.

I look forward to hearing what Jessica has to say about her dorm visit.
Her hostess said they planned to have dinner tonight at Rice Village.
We plan to visit the Menil Collection and
Rothko Chapel tomorrow (they are
about 2 miles from Rice). My mother’s old friend Walter Hopps was Menil’s
first Director and the collection is the listing for Houston
in one of my favorite travel guides 1000 Places to See Before You Die: A Traveler’s Life List by Patricia Schultz (2003).